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Finally Out, by Loren Olson
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Dr. Olson was once asked, “Why would a forty year old man want to come out anyway? You’re too old for sex.”
In “Finally Out” Dr. Olson answers that question and many others as he rigorously examines why some gay men live straight lives while struggling to come to terms with their true sexual orientation. He blends his own life experience with his psychiatric training, adding gay history for context. He then wraps it all into a complete and easily accessible understanding of men who resist thinking they are gay even while engaging – sometimes exclusively -- in secret sexual activity with other men.
With professional understanding Dr. Olson examines his personal transformation from a “straight” man living in a heterosexual world to a gay man beginning his education anew. Dr. Olson addresses the challenges faced by those who choose to come out after living much of their lives closeted. He punctuates his narrative with revealing stories from his own life and from his interviews with other gay men from around the world, and he includes surprising facts that provide perspective on global cultural norms.
“Finally Out” examines how secrecy, silence and fear of judgment result in shame that contributes significantly to leading a hidden life. “Finally Out” is much more than a guide to coming out for mature men. Dr. Olson has written a book designed to be helpful for these men, but also for their families and anyone who loves them. It also will serve as a resource for therapists and clergy who counsel them and anyone who wishes to understand same-sex attraction.
- Sales Rank: #1331094 in eBooks
- Published on: 2015-05-06
- Released on: 2015-05-06
- Format: Kindle eBook
About the Author
Loren A. Olson, M.D. is a gay psychiatrist who came out at forty. A father and grandfather, he is also a Distinguished Life Fellow of the American Psychiatric Association and a recipient of the "Exemplary Psychiatrist Award" from the National Alliance on Mental Illness. He has presented findings from his research on mature gay men at the World Congress of Psychiatry in Prague. In 2009, Dr. Olson legally married Doug Mortimer, his partner of twenty-four years. They live on a farm in Iowa where they produce grass-fed beef from their herd of Belted Galloway cattle.
Most helpful customer reviews
13 of 13 people found the following review helpful.
Prepare to be enlightened...and encouraged.
By S. Georgescu
Dr. Olson has given us a template for the times in his book "Finally Out". Given the large numbers of men who have come to the realization that they are indeed gay...no matter what their age when they discover it...this book can be utilized as a reinforcement of the feelings that come flooding out of nowhere when the discovery of their true self is revealed.
Using his background of experience and expertise, Dr. Olson melds these two areas, along with factual and accurate studies done on the subject of homosexuality into a well rounded arrangement. Since this book is part personal and part professional, the two aspects jell into a cohesive combination that can help the men who the book is aimed at, while teaching others who are puzzled and perplexed as to why such a lifestyle change can happen so "late" in life. The real key here is not that it can happen at age 40 (and be considered late), but that it can also happen in successive decades on into ages 80 and over.
Another critical component of this book that shows the human side of life is how Dr. Olson bares his soul multiple times when he describes some of the real life situations he faced while discerning his real place in the world as a gay man. The fact that his ex-wife and daughters (and grandkids) are all solidly in the corner of he and his partner Doug, is an indication that despite his turmoil inside that he may not have always been doing the right thing, it has somehow worked out just fine. Relationships are hard work, and no matter if it is with your partner, or your extended family...not to mention former social friends, neighbors, co-workers, etc., the rewards are out there to be had if you continue to forge on and follow your heart and soul. This is what Dr. Olson has done. Not only in redefining his life, but by undertaking this book and allowing others to share in his knowledge and experience...so that they may also benefit and prosper.
Men need to know they are not always held to the stereotypical standards that society has earmarked for them. You can be tough as nails and still be gay. You can be athletic and butch as hell and still be gay. You can be whatever you like...but more than anything you have a right to be happy and you have a right to love someone with your full being...and if that someone happens to be another man who is the object of your desire, then this book is proof positive that you can do just that.
This book is a real gem in that it is sincere, genuine and certainly non-judgemental (even to those who cast a derisive eye to the gay community). It is one man's story of how Loren has made his way in the world. Those who know him personally or those who have read his work here are lucky that he chose this forum to share his story. Prepare to learn about a tremendous man and prepare to learn about yourself...or those around you who may have embarked on a similar journey.
6 of 6 people found the following review helpful.
An Honest Tale
By J. Douglas Bremner
Psychiatrist and author Loren Olson writes an honest and unique story of what it is like to come out as gay at the age of 40. One of the strengths of this book is that not only is it empowering for people who have suffered similar identity and lack of self esteem issues related to coming to grips with their sexuality when it deviates from mainstream views about family and sexuality to see a psychiatrist tell a story that matches theirs, it is also very useful to have a medical and mental health expert offer a cogent and readable summary of the scientific literature and facts related to what he calls the MLM or men loving men. He uses this term to highlight the fact that many men who have sex with men, even exclusively so, do not identify themselves as "gay". They often live in conventional marriages with women and have families. They may say they "love" their wives but are not sexually attracted to them. MLM men see being openly gay as some sort of political statement that they don't agree with, i.e. they want to be seen as mainstream or conventional. But as Dr. Olson points out this can lead to a kind of schizophrenic existence, where certain "limits" are put on their sexual encounters, like no kissing, which serve to depersonalize the experience and detach it from loving connections with other human beings. The world of men living in this shadow world was something I hadn't thought of before, since as a straight heterosexual I didn't know much about it, and it is interesting as a student of behavior and mental health. But something I find equally interesting was Dr. Olson's experience of losing his father at the age of 9 and some of the conundrums he experienced as a result of that, like not knowing how to start a lawn mower. Losing a parent as a child is a wrenching experience and I would have liked to learn more about how that affected him (maybe we'll learn about that in his next book). I say that at the risk of someone jumping up and saying that I am going to attribute his sexuality to looking for a lost father. A comment like that is merely psychobabble since I honestly don't think we have much control of which way our sexuality develops. I comment on this because I explore the loss of my own mother at 4 1/2 in my latest book and I have only met a handful of people who have lost a parent in childhood, have seen few books about it, and only from another psychiatrist (In Her Wake).
Doug Bremner, author of
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8 of 9 people found the following review helpful.
Bringing About Greater Understanding
By Bonnie Kaye
For the past 26 years, I have been counseling straight women and gay men who find themselves in marriages that are not meant to be. It is difficult to find information as relevant and enlightening as this book to help women and their gay husbands to understand the reasons of why gay men marry. Dr. Olson has a wonderful way of explaining this so that everyone can get an inside look into these marriages and how they happen. This book is excellent as a resource for all parties involved including the children and extended families of gay men who marry. Hopefully this book will help gay married men who need to come to terms with the sexually into furthering their journey to those ends. Thank you, Dr. Olson, for sharing your story with honesty and sensitivity. People don't realize that this "isolating" situation affects millions of people in the United States and millions more throughout the world. Your book sheds light not only on the fact that it happens, but explains so clearly why it happens. I recommend this book to everyone who truly wants to understand this situation in his or her quest for healing.
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