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Undivided: A Muslim Daughter, Her Christian Mother, Their Path to Peace, by Patricia Raybon, Alana Raybon
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"Mom, I have something I need to tell you..."They didn't talk. Not for ten years. Not about faith anyway. Instead, a mother and daughter tiptoed with pain around the deepest gulf in their lives - the daughter's choice to leave the church, convert to Islam and become a practicing Muslim. Undivided is a real-time story of healing and understanding with alternating narratives from each as they struggle to learn how to love each other in a whole new way.
Written with rare honesty and striking transparency, Undivided opens a door on the lives of an American Islamic convert, Alana Raybon, a dedicated educator, and her devout Christian mother, Patricia Raybon, an award-winning author, as they struggle to reconcile and heal their family divided by faith.
An important work for parents whose adult children have left the family's belief system, it will help those same children as they wrestle to better understand their parents.
For anyone troubled by the broader tensions between Islam and the West, this personal story distills this friction into the context of a family relationship--a journey all the more fascinating. While a conversation is desperately needed in America between Christians and Muslims, Undivided offers a real-time conversation to follow.
Undivided is a tremendously important book for our time. Will Patricia be able to fully trust in the Christ who "holds all things together?"
Will Alana's love for God cause her to become an outcast to her family--or provide a path that leads her back home? And can they answer the question that both want desperately to experience: "Can we make our torn family whole again?"
- Sales Rank: #638939 in Books
- Brand: HarperCollins Christian Pub.
- Published on: 2015-04-28
- Released on: 2015-04-28
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 9.25" h x .87" w x 6.38" l, .90 pounds
- Binding: Hardcover
- 242 pages
Review
"Powerful and beautiful. Captivating." -- Samuel E Karff, Rabbi Emeritus of Congregation Beth Israel, Houston.
"I was riveted to the end. As fresh as this evening's news...it's going to make a huge impact." - Jerry B. Jenkins, Novelist and Biographer
"Patricia and Alana Raybon capture the essence of the national conversation that needs to happen between Christians and Muslims. Intensely personal and deeply spiritual."-- The Rev. Mike Cole, General Presbyter, Presbytery of New Covenant in the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.)
"Undivided left me gutted--in a good way. Here is raw honesty. Help for every one of us who finds ourselves facing the inexplicable differences between ourselves and our loved ones." -- Elisa Morgan, Speaker, Author: The Beauty of Broken, Co-Host Discover the Word
About the Author
Patricia Raybon is the award-winning author of I Told the Mountain to Move, a 2006 Book of the Year finalist in Christianity Today magazine’s annual book awards competition; and My First White Friend, her racial forgiveness memoir that won the Christopher Award. She is also author of the One Year® devotional, God’s Great Blessings. A journalist by training, Patricia has written essays on family and faith, which have been published in the New York Times Sunday Magazine, Newsweek, Chicago Tribune, USA Today, USA Weekend, and In Touch of In Touch Ministries; and aired on National Public Radio. She is also a regular contributor to Today’s Christian Woman online magazine.
With degrees in journalism from Ohio State University and the University of Colorado at Boulder, Patricia worked a dozen years as a newspaper journalist for the Denver Post and the Rocky Mountain News. She later joined the journalism faculty at the University of Colorado at Boulder, where for fifteen years she taught print journalism. Patricia now writes full-time on “mountain-moving faith.”
Patricia and her husband, Dan, are longtime residents of Colorado and have two grown daughters and five grandchildren. Founder of the Writing Ministry at her Denver church, Patricia coaches and encourages aspiring authors around the country and is a member of the Colorado Authors League and the Authors Guild.
Alana Raybon is a seasoned elementary- and middle-school educator. During the past ten years, she has served as a third-to-seventh-grade lead teacher to a diverse population in Texas and more recently in Tennessee. She has been a mentor to new and student teachers, an advisor to a school’s accreditation process, a tutor, and a member of various school-related committees. Alana and her husband parent their three young children and a teenage stepson. She was featured with her mother in a May 2011 Mother’s Day reflection in Glamour magazine
Most helpful customer reviews
13 of 15 people found the following review helpful.
but there's a frustrating lack of anything like an actual resolution or understanding between the two women
By Amber F
I borrowed this book from a friend to read while I was on vacation.
It took me a couple of days to finish it, not because it's lengthy or complicated, but because I kept having to put the book down and walk away before I chucked it into a wall - which my friend would not have appreciated.
There's no lack of skill in the authors writing styles, but there's a frustrating lack of anything like an actual resolution or understanding between the two women.
I expected there to be tension, of course, from reading the summary of the book, but there was a promise of a coming together, some understanding and healing of the gap in this mother/daughter relationship. If there was any reaching out, it all came from Alana's side. Patricia starts with the attitude of mourning her poor lost and deluded 'ex-Christian Muslim daughter' and never seems to get over it. Admittedly, given the publishing house, this shouldn't have been a surprise. Perhaps it was my fault for expecting a book that actually showed two women of diverse faiths loving and accepting one another for the adult choices that they have made.
I suspect that a good part of the clash between these two women is merely an extension of their relationship prior to Alana's conversion. There are several mentions of Alana being the 'rebellious' daughter from both sides of the conversation. And I can't help but wonder if perhaps Patricia wouldn't have been quite so harshly angered by the conversion if it had come from her other daughter. Certainly there still would have been the Christian dismay at the perceived loss of salvation, but maybe it wouldn't have taken them ten years to get to a point where they could talk around religion as opposed to ignoring it entirely.
One of the things that irritated me the most, aside from the constant dismissal of Islam as a valid religious choice or the much muttered fear that any misstep even in the conversation between mother and daughter would lead to some nebulous radical imam somewhere issuing a fatwa against Patricia, was the thorough and one must assume willful ignorance of the basic facts of Islam by Patricia.
Even accounting for the fact that she and Alana couldn't discuss religion without it turning into a fight, in the age that we live in to be ignorant of Ramadan (for example) takes some doing. You have to be *trying* to avoid knowing at least a little something about Islam and Muslims. Your information might be wrong, but you'd at least have a couple of fact points somewhere in your memory.
Possibly this is something that would only bother me, but there is a small line in one of Patricia's sections where she asks why the faith of her family and her ancestors wasn't good enough for Alana. The irony, leaving aside the very explicit argument against following what your fathers have done just because your fathers have done it from the Qur'an, is rich. Didn't Jesus come to divide families? The first converts to Christianity came from Jewish households, where their fathers and their fathers fathers worshiped in the Jewish monotheistic tradition for thousands of years. What if they had refused to follow Jesus because it was not what their forefathers had done?
Patricia's sections frustrated me, with the constant refrain of 'why, Jesus, why?' and the way that everything about Alana's faith choice is brought back to how it affects Patricia. Alana's sections were less frustrating, but not enough to save the book for me. I mentioned to my friend that it felt as though they set out to write a book but never actually got around to it, too busy going back and forth. She assures me that the book I read is the book they meant to write, but I have my doubts.
All in all, this book left me feeling that nothing had been resolved and that both authors are still very much divided whether it's a slightly smaller divide or not.
6 of 6 people found the following review helpful.
Profound Wisdom and Encouragement
By Sharon B. Leavitt
Oh my goodness. I have waited long for this book, prayed for the authors as they wrote this book, and my expectations of what I would find inside the pages of this very important book for our world today, have not only been met but have surpassed my imaginings.
This is not a book one wants to merely "get through." It is profound. I found myself slowing down to take in the poignancy and tenderness expressed by the authors as they bare their souls so that we can all benefit and learn how to dialogue respectfully and truly listen to those who hold different beliefs than ours. Speaking and listening respectfully to those different than we are seems much easier than when they strangers. But navigating and coming through the storms in ones own family - working hard to remember love and respect - that brings it to a whole new level for most of us.
And Patricia and Alana do it - not always smoothly - though the times of grace shine through, but with diligence because they know it's worth the pain.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, Patricia and Alana for your honest transparency as you strive for love's sake.
Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love. (1 Corinthians 13:13)
15 of 21 people found the following review helpful.
Seems pretty divided to me.
By Amazon Customer
I received a digital ARC of this book from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
I was really really excited about this book when I first heard about it. "Finally!" I thought. "A real book about a Christian mom and her Muslim convert daughter and how they got past the hurdles of interfaith issues." It is so relevant to me (being the Muslim convert in a family of Christians) and I thought it might have some good tips or show how Patricia was able to resolve her struggles with her daughter choosing another faith.
I was wrong. What I found in this book was frustration. I was frustrated at Patricia's rambling, nonsensical way of writing. She jumped from topic to unrelated topic. Maybe I'm just not accustomed to evangelical histrionics, but it seemed like a lot of the drama getting in the way of their relationship (at least in the last few years) actually came from Patricia, not Alana.
Allow me to give a few examples:
Patricia refers to her daughter as a Christian (rather than a Muslim) throughout the book - as if "Muslim" is "just a phase". She constantly invalidates her daughter's spiritual path by mocking it as a "copy", a "knockoff" of Christianity.
She also says multiple times that her daughter "no longer believes", a notion that Alana soundly rejects, stating that she "believe(s) stronger than I ever have in my life. I struggle with the frustration of conveying to her that my walk in Islam has filled my heart with so much faith and love that I no longer feel the empty void that I once felt. Then after she hears this, I wish she could be content and happy for me, that I found a love like no other. A love for God."
Patricia describes Islam as her daughter's "defiant choice of faith" (this is a verbatim quote) - as if Alana went to Islam to spite her mother, rather than because she found spiritual fulfillment there.
She also consistently links Muslims and Islam with insanity and violence. Example: she says "Muslims get crazy" when Christians say anything about the Qur'an, after stating that the Qur'an doesn't resonate with her (as if that alone is enough to set off a firestorm in response) - although she and her husband also "got crazy" when the veracity of the Bible was questioned.
Patricia talks about her fears that her daughter "if...granted a reason and platform to defend her chosen religion, she'll use it as ammunition, to put down her family's faith. Even more, I feared she'd do a good job. That she'd make Islam look good - while I'd fail to life high the Cross. That pressure I feel - to make Jesus and his good deeds and perfect life and extraordinary sacrifice look phenomenal and far better than Islam - weighs me down the most."
Ironically, it's Patricia who uses her faith like ammunition, who puts down her daughter's faith. If she is so concerned about making Christianity "look good", then why doesn't she trust God to do the job? Why does she make it her own personal task? Does she not think God can defend Christianity, if indeed it needs defending?
Patricia intends to fix the relationship with her daughter - but the end goal of that repair being to get her daughter back in Christianity. She dismisses the notion that belief in Islam can be just as deep and satisfying for Alana as she finds for herself in Christianity.
In short: Patricia makes Alana's conversion all about herself, rather than about Alana. She takes it personally. She keeps wondering "what did I do wrong?" and moaning and gnashing her teeth and crying, rather than realizing that Alana choosing Islam had NOTHING to do with Patricia in any way.
Alana's parts of the book, however, didn't ramble all over the place. She actually addressed the issues at hand in a fairly straight forward manner - why she became a Muslim, what she sees in Islam to this day, her frustrations that her mother refuses to accept that she does, in fact, believe in God - she simply doesn't called Him by the name of "Jesus". Her worries that her mother will try to teach her kids Christianity, after Patricia states that she wants her grandchildren "to know Christ" (although I will give Patricia props when she actually attempts to respect her daughter's wishes and not teach things that are contrary to Islam). The way she feels like she has to walk on eggshells around her mother, like she can't be "too Muslim" around her family. I'd love to quote whole pages of Alana's words - she's open and honest, but without the drama her mother brings.
In many cases, as I read Alana's sections, I felt like I was reading dialogue from my own head. Things I've thought, felt, and said. We have many of the same frustrations in dealing with our Christian families (even when those families are, in many cases, nominal in their practice of Christianity, they rarely waste time jumping up on the soapbox to preach to us of how "wrong" we are).
In the end, I wasn't convinced that there was any peace, any sort of resolution in their relationship. Patricia has decided to hold her tongue (for now), to grin and bear it, but that's far from peace or acceptance and her thinking about Islam hasn't changed even a bit.
This book was an exercise in frustration. If I'd read it in hardcopy, I would likely have thrown the book at the wall. I was going to give a copy of this to my mom, but now that I've read it, I may go with "Daughters of Another Path" (written by a Christian mother after her daughter converted) instead. I wish Alana would have written this book on her own - it would have turned out much better.
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